So yesterday sucked. Not life ending or anything. Just not a good day. I had applied to a big-time market and found out yesterday I was rejected. Not waitlisted but rejected. Superb. Not to mention, it was the 3rd large market/craft fair I’ve been rejected by since October of last year. Even better.

The other night, my husband and I were watching the season finale (not the series finale, thank Jesus) of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. No spoilers, but Captain Holt received an e-mail telling him whether or not he had been promoted to Commissioner. There’s an entire exchange between him and Gina where she tells him she’s never not gotten something she wanted. Because whatever the response is to something she’s tried for, she pretends that is what she’s wanted the whole time. How I have tried to have that attitude throughout my life. It would have made things so much easier!

Unfortunately, like Captain Holt, that’s not how I am. Though, unlike Captain Holt, I was not qualified for what I went after. Not really. Which isn’t making the rejection any easier to stomach.

Don’t get me wrong. My products are ready. They are good products. It’s more the presentation aspect. Which I’m painfully aware of. Which is why I’m working on fixing it. This is the first time since I’ve started my business that I’m completely satisfied with the way my packaging and labels look. The biggest problem is that only I've seen the oil-based packaging. Except for brief snippets I’ve shared on Instagram. So how could I expect a selection committee or person to commit to my vision? I can’t. Obviously.

The other problem is my product copy. Some of it is bad. Really bad. “Wow, I can’t believe that came from me,” bad. I know that it will all be changing over the next few weeks. But no one else can know that.

No one else really knows what a stretch social media is for me. The confidence barrier is high. I’m learning to get over it. I’m learning. And I’m getting better. But all that’s visible is my lack of engagement. I get it.

None of this means that the rejection is easy to take for me. One of my biggest shame triggers is rejection. Especially when I was the one who asked to be included. So now I’m left with finding the motivation to keep going forward. It’s been a little bit hard to locate the last day and a half. There’s a feeling of futility in a lot of this. Like I’m spinning my wheels. Stressing out for absolutely no reason at all. And it sucks.

Tonight I’m dealing with that by sitting on my deck watching the sunset over the river. Drinking a locally brewed cider. When I’m done with this, I’ll turn on my audiobook and start another baby blanket. I have a big week coming up and I need to get in the right headspace for selling in person. So I’ll sit and listen to Charley Davidson, grim reaper extraordinaire, drink, and be thankful we got rid of the old fiberglass patio furniture.


I’ll focus again tomorrow.